expectation is the root of all heartache
over the course of the last semester, I realized that I am a planner. Now, this is something I always knew about myself, I like things organized, I like knowing what’s gonna happen, but I don’t think I realized that this isn’t always an advantage until now. Sometimes when I plan things too much, I have such a picture of what going to happen in my head that when things don’t go as planned, I can’t enjoy how things turned out. I want to learn how to let go a little, to be more spontaneous, and to just accept things how they are instead of expecting them to be a certain way. If I’m successful, I really think I’ll be a lot happier. Life is too short and too precious to be disappointed when things don’t go exactly how you think they will so I’m going to do my best to go with the flow and try to enjoy and embrace each moment for what it is, not what I expected it to be. Accepting is always better than expecting.
"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn’t change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It’s not just a river in Egypt, it’s a freakin’ ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it? "
Here’s a clip of the first single off Born and Raised, called “Shadow Days.” I’m excited to share the first bit of sound from the album… Been looking forward to a post like this since October 14, 2010, the first day I started writing this group of songs. Enjoy.
YES. LOVE THIS MAN. CANNOT WAIT FOR HIS NEW ALBUM
"For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move. "
"I haven’t seen you in ages /
sometimes I find myself wondering where you are /
For me, you’ll always be eighteen and beautiful /
And dancing away with my heart / "
Overall, 2011 was a pretty good year for me. Here are a few of my highs and lows looking back.
- A lot of my happiness came from seeing all of the hard work my sisters have put into our chapter become worth it. We’ve definitely been through a lot since I joined and this year was really a turning point. I’ve watched my chapter really come up from a bad place and we have all become better people because of it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Recruitment this fall was especially gratifying after all we’ve been through. We had the most successful recruitment out of all the chapters on our campus and initiated some amazing women in November.
- I’ve continued to build and maintain strong friendships this year. Along with strengthening relationships from past years, I got closer with some new people as well that I am so thankful to have in my life.
- Being accepted to my study abroad program in Barcelona for this coming semester. Studying abroad has always been a dream of mine and I am so grateful it is finally happening and I will be starting off 2012 living in Spain and traveling around Europe. Although preparations for my trip has been somewhat stressful, I cannot wait to see what Barcelona has in store for me.
- This summer was definitely a highlight of my year. I really wasn’t expecting much since coming home for the summer is usually a little boring after spending most of my year in a college town. I hung out with a group that I never expected to get close to and even found a little romance. This summer was full of fantastic memories, from the Fourth of July in Estes Park, to a camping trip with the boys, or a weekend in Vail. I found genuine friends in these people and felt genuinely special in someone’s eyes.
- I made a mistake by keeping my new relationship hidden from a friend who I knew it would ultimately hurt. I ended up really hurting my friendship and I’m not sure if it was worth it in the end.
- I was initially happy when a friend I hadn’t talked to in a year started talking to me again after breaking up with his girlfriend who I have had a rough relationship with. Unfortunately, I learned that he wasn’t always telling me the truth and was pretty much using me to get back at his ex. When they got back together, he stopped talking to me again. It was hard to realize that I was just a back up plan and he really didn’t care as much as I thought he did.
- Break ups are always hard for me. I was living in a fairytale and probably dreamed a little too big and should have looked more at what was practical in the situation. Long distance is tough and it just didn’t work out. I still cherish the time we did spend together but it was really hard for me to let go and see him move on so quickly.
Overall, I think I had a lot more ups than downs this past year. I shared a lot of great time with people I love, learned valuable lessons from my mistakes, and have a lot to look forward to going into 2012.
“keep your heart above you head and your eyes wide open, so this world can’t find a way to leave you cold. no, you’re not the only ship out on the ocean, save your strength for things that you can change, forget the ones you can’t, you gotta let em go” - Zac Brown Band
"Truth is, I miss lying in those arms of his, but I don’t ever let it show. I laugh, and I act like I’m having the time of my life. As far as he knows: Its easy going out on friday night, easy, every time I see him out. I can smile, live it up, the way a single girl does. But what he, what he don’t know is how hard it is to make it look so easy. "
“i finally asked you to dance on the last slow song
beneath that moon that was really a disco ball.
I can still feel my head on your shoulder,
and hoping that song would never be over.
I haven’t seen you in ages, sometimes I find myself wondering where you are
for me you’ll always be 18, and beautiful, and dancing away with my heart.
i brushed the curls back so i could see your eyes,
and the way you moved me was like you were reading my mind.
i can still feel you lean in to kiss me,
i can’t help but wonder if you ever miss me.”
"You have people come into your life shockingly and surprisingly. You have losses that you never thought you’d experience. You have rejection and you have learn how to deal with that and how to get up the next day and go on with it. "
This is amazing and perfect in every way possible. Makes me want to cry.